Sport

THE 9 RULES OF PLAYING FOOTBALL AS A KID IN SCHOOL

The 9 Rules of Playing Football as a Kid in School

The owner is in control:
This is possibly the most famous rule of primary school football. The owner of the football holds all power and becomes the popular kid in class for the day. This player can stop others from joining in or call full-time early because he simply doesn’t want to play anymore. On rare occasions, the child may decide to trust others with the possession of the ball but this is infrequent as the ball is often lost or damaged, more often than not.

Picking teams by ‘numbers’:
This is the easiest and fairest way to pick teams in schoolboy football. These teams will often end up with friends together anyway as kids will hold up their fingers to tell the sides what number they are. Strangely, despite these selections being random, the ‘worst’ kid in the school usually ends up being picked last every time. Often takes up the majority of playtime due to having 46 budding players.

Acceptable forms of ‘football’:
Lack of a football doesn’t necessarily mean there will be no match. There are various items that are acceptable replacements for a ball – with the bottle being the most common. As long as the item can be kicked, it is a sufficient substitute and although there is a distinct drop in the skill level, the game is equally as entertaining and requires the dinner ladies on duty to be prepared for many shin injuries after pupils kick each other in the ruckus around the bottle.

Length of matches:
As with traditional football, matches last two halves; one at break and the other at lunch. Teams will interchange regularly as other year groups are sent in to eat, though the score line is kept throughout. If needed, extra-time may be played briefly at the end of the day with smaller teams or in the playground before school starts in the morning. In the event of ‘wet play’, matches will be void and new teams will be selected on the next day.

‘Jumpers for goalposts’:
Another famous rule – jumpers will be used to mark out the pitch and goalposts. Usually marked out by the same person to make the distance between the posts as fair as possible, there is one common problem with the need to use jumpers for goalposts – the crossbar. The unwritten rule is that it’s around a foot over the goalkeeper’s head, so it is often advantageous to use a smaller player in the net.

Referee decisions:
The crossbar problem, as well as other issues, can cause playground conflict and discrepancies among the kids. Fouls, handballs and ‘unfair teams’ are some of the many debates that take place in primary school football and are sorted by one of two ways: compromise or fighting. A compromise is attempted first between the two sides before the bigger players get involved and try to bully the opposition into giving up and letting them have the decision. Usually the team with the biggest player wins by default if a compromise cannot be achieved.

Tactics:
The most frequent tactic usually involves getting the ball to the team’s best player. Whether they are the captain for their local side or have had trials at Manchester United, the aim is to get the ball to them so they can score. Due to the large number of players, there are no set formations or tactics but teams usually leave one or two up front as there is no offside rule and can exploit the goalkeeper in a 2-on-1 situation. These players are sometimes too lazy to run around but can ‘toe-poke’ the ball towards the goal.

Celebrations:
If a player scores a goal, they are expected to perform some form of celebration. More often than not, they will attempt to recreate their hero’s celebration or the best one from the weekend. Whether this is a heroic knee slide after scoring the winning goal or a cartwheel to celebrate a long range screamer, the player is likely to be mobbed by teammates but risks a telling off from the dinner ladies for nearly hurting themselves.

If you lose the ball, you have to get it:
The player who loses the ball is always expected to retrieve it. If they have kicked it over the fence into a nearby garden or across a busy road, it is the unfortunate player’s responsibility to get the ball back. This can end in them being sent to see the head teacher for a serious telling off, but they gain the respect of their peers for sticking to the schoolyard pact of ‘if you lose the ball, you have to get it back’.

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